My cancer treatment isn’t working…

The bad news…

My scans didn’t bring about the news I’d hoped for. Despite starting a treatment specifically for my type of secondary breast cancer three months ago, my cancer has grown. My treatment isn’t working.

Call me a tit (I mean my cancer track record speaks for itself- I’m hardly a girl named Lucky) but I genuinely thought I’d be hearing there was some kind of response…that the cancer was stable or, more hopeful still, that there were signs of it shrinking. And in fairness this wasn’t blind hope- the average time to progression (progression being growth of the cancer) on palbociclib is 10 months. Also, my inbox has been full of first hand stories of people being treated successfully for YEARS on this treatment, several 10 years plus! So with that in mind I’ve fallen well short of any of benchmark.

Got to laugh. Despite any niggles, big or small, I never fail to walk into a clinic room full of high hopes. 10 years, more scares and diagnoses than you can shake a stick at, and I don’t bloody learn. Well I guess I WON’T learn. I wouldn’t have it any other way but I don’t half set myself up for a fall…

The better news…

The better news is I’m eligible for the pre-screening of a clinical trial which has bagged me some fancy genomic testing which MAY help with a future treatment line or two. This all depends on whether I have any mutations that can be targeted with treatment. Many people don’t but I’d be grateful for any extra Nintendo lives this may bring about. As anyone with stage 4 cancer will know, treatment lines are finite. There eventually comes a time when there are no options remaining and that’s when things get really scary.

But to move on from that not so cheery train of thought, next up for me is capecitabine, an oral chemotherapy. Some people refer to the drug I was previously on (palbociclib and the sister CDK4/6 inhibitor drugs) as chemo but capecitabine is the real deal (in tablet form that is). Godspeed me.

You can probably guess how I’m feeling. All kinds of disappointed, on edge knowing that the cancer is growing and wary re the chemo. I’m just PRAYING it does the trick in stabilising the cancer and that the side effects are kind to me. Chemo and I have historically not got on.

Lots of cuddles with my number one Lilah and memories of a childhood dream come true- that being living my best life at a Steps concert- took me through the first week of this uncertain time safely. And going forward I feel as though Lilah has really grown up in the last month or so and with her starting nursery for a couple of mornings a week, there’s something new every day. It fills my heart and I’m mindful that despite whats going on in the background, I must remember to live and enjoy these moments. It’s a madness in that I can honestly say these are still the best days of my life. She really is something.

I’ll check in after my genomic test results are back in a couple of weeks time xx